God's Country

I am not anywhere,

Somewhere in the south.

Somewhere in the south,

You said I’d be a good mother.

That,

And another, still.

Holy,

Pouring from your mouth.

Holding me,

In the red of my room.

God,

I want to fuck him.

God,

I want to destroy him.

Exclamation point.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

This is my country of pain.

This is God’s Country.

I am just a woman.

I always have been.

Some things are always there,

In God’s Country.

I give in a little too easily.

He picked me up

And slammed my head into the mattress.

It would have been the wall

If that’s where the wall had been.

On Orthodox Easter I get up at six to cook.

I pretend he’s coming to eat.

YiaYia doesn’t cook anymore

It’s up to me.

But I am not anywhere.

Somewhere,

In God’s Country.