radiator

i think that the radiator in my house may be broken

the temperature gauge is way off, its either much too hot or much too cold;

cold air can cause water to freeze inside a radiator and cause it to burst

i've learned that you need to shut off the water, contact insurance, and most importantly contact a plumbing professional if you’re facing a burst pipe

this winter i found to be particularly cold

the kind of cold where the wind threatens to gnaw your ears off but lacks the late nights when the world is silent with snow

my disconsolate solace

blood fills me like a bathtub

my home was no longer warm

the pipe had burst

the cold air became too much, a radiator is not often prepared to take on so much frigidity at once

for some, a burst radiator pipe is an inconvenience,

my house was devastated

it looked fine from the outside, passerbys wouldn’t know of the wreckage and debris that turned my once beautiful home into a skeleton adorned with fragments of what it used to be

mourning, misuse, moving

i considered moving

moving is a big commitment

and not a decision you should make when you have a burst radiator pipe

but that home was unfit for a comfortable life

painful to breathe, to move, to work, to sleep; my bedsheets were cold

I considered moving.

the gas pipe that lead to my house had shut off

i didn’t know of the reason

i came to the gas company with bloody and bruised knees,

i am oxidized

Begging

Begging and grasping for anything i could get

Red pavement red wallpaper red eyes

My heart was under the wallpaper

My laughter was hidden in the cabinets

My eyes were in the support beams

Haunted house, Mary in the mirror

Reflect refract relapse

I shouldn’t beg for the bare necessities

But when you look in the mirror and don’t see yourself in the reflection

Your nails find familiarity that keeps you safe and warm and clutches on like a father to his child

Lose your radiator lose your home lose yourself